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For Another Day

      I’ve curb-stomped my finals, cleaned my room and the wretched bathroom floors, delivered my gifts to their recipients, and said my tear-jerking good-byes. With that, I’ve crossed the finish line of my freshman year.
     Coming into college, I had no idea as to what I should expect. I have two older brothers and two cousins who attended college before I did; each of whom have unique stories about their experiences to share. After finishing my first year, I must say that it’s been rather…bittersweet. Yeah, I do use that word quite often, but I think that it very appropriately depicts my experience. Many good things happened, but quite a few bad things were thrown into the mix. I feel that I’ve made quite a few achievements, but ultimately failed when it mattered the most. For instance, getting my own news story and being inducted into NRHH are definitely something to write home about. It’s supposedly rare for anyone to have their own news story on this newspaper, and from what I can ascertain, it is quite uncommon for college freshmen to be inducted into NRHH. A lot of people, my parents in particular, seemed to be impressed with these accomplishments. I was not, though. I didn’t think very highly of these achievements. That may be because I wasn’t really going for those. I came to University of North Texas with one goal in mind: to be accepted into their College of Music. I conclusively fell short with this goal, much to my disappointment. Additionally, I applied to be a Resident Assistant, or RA, but I couldn’t even succeed with this, either. Though I did not arrive at UNT with the preemptive goal of becoming an RA, I’ve been job hunting for at least three years now, and I’ve had not a single stroke of luck. If it is of any consolation, this is the closest I’ve gotten to getting a job; of all the countless jobs for which I’ve completed applications, this is the only one that called back for an interview. If nothing else, I would have at least loved to be an RA.
     I’ve had so many thoughts running through my mind as of late, some of which include my bleak future semesters as a college student. Because my major is still considered undecided, I can only take so many classes before I must decide on a major. But, since I did not make it into the College of Music, I’ll still be a Pre-Music major for another year. Since I don’t have a prayer of gaining admittance next year, I’ve decided to make plans for transferring to Texas Tech University. There are other reasons as to why I wish to go here, some of which are more personal, but these are the two most decisive factors:

1. I was much too ambitious to believe that I could make it into UNT’s College of Music, especially at my current level. And as if this weren’t discouraging enough, my cello teacher deemed it necessary to grind what little self-worth I held for myself into the asphalt by giving me the “reason why I suck” speech, in which she was essentially telling me that I’m not ambitious enough (which I find to be ironic, as I thought that I was overly ambitious), I shouldn’t have come to UNT, and that I’m just all-around an abysmally atrocious cellist. She even had the nerve to tell me that she was worried about me from the beginning. What’s more, my academic counselors for music were suggesting that I switch my major to something else, because even if my double major (music performance and music composition) were accepted, I’m looking at a minimum of six years as an undergraduate. That will be nigh-impossible to pay off, as financial aid and scholarships are rendered void if I dawdle about too long as an undergraduate. I’ve sustained too many injuries from being bludgeoned with the fact that I’m not good enough, so I think that it’s time for me to retreat so I can live to fight another day. In short, I’m not ready for UNT. Not yet, at least.
2. I really want to be closer to my sweetheart, Teresa. I thought I can handle going to school without her, but it became exponentially difficult as my feelings for her flourished. Keeping up my new years resolution (which was to make her smile every morning or afternoon when I wake up and every night before she goes to bed) will be much easier, if I’m with her. Right now, I’m limited to sending her poetic…ish messages, and I’ve nearly exhausted my reserve of creative juices. Additionally, during the duration of my freshman year, I’ve been generally unhappy; a great deal of that has been attributed to the absence of Teresa in my life. Moreover, being here at UNT, I’ve met a multitude of people and made an abundance of friends. However, I never really felt close enough to any of them to share some of my more personal feelings, and thus, I’ve just kept all my feelings sealed in a bottle. Teresa is one of very few people with whom I’ll share my feelings; I’m not comfortable around very many others, and I’m not really accustomed to the idea of logging onto Tumblr to lament about my sorrows. In a nutshell, I’ll be much happier, having her in my daily life.

     I think that I’ve rambled on quite enough, now. I’ve much more on my mind, but I’m physically and emotionally strained right now. I’ll end it here for now, and enjoy my much needed 3.5-ish summer break.